I am always talking about how I will never chase someone who plays games or get into a relationship with someone who doesn’t appreciate me.
However, I have a hard time following through on my beliefs and promises.
There are still moments where I find myself developing a crush on someone who is either in a relationship with someone else or doesn’t want to be in a relationship at all.
There are still days when I don’t make any plans to keep my schedule clear because I still secretly wait for the individual I was casually dating to call me and ask me on a date at the last minute.
There are also nights when I constantly checking my phone, wishing that they would text me even though I promised myself million times that I will never torture myself like that again.
There are still times when I get stuck in yet another quasi-relationship, even though I told myself time and time again that I am done dealing with mixed messages and that I am going to look for someone who is serious and wants to have a stable and healthy relationship with me.
I do my best to keep my standards high, but it is very hard at times. I still have troubles keeping my promises because I am someone who has a habit of falling for the wrong people – people who don’t respect me, people who take me for granted, people who don’t care about my feelings.
I may be acting like my standards are extremely high, like I am the coldest and the pickiest person on the planet, when in reality – I have low self-esteem and low expectations that I don’t need something special to cheer me up and make me happy.
And because I have set my boundaries so low, I tend to attract only the wrong people into my life – people whose intentions are to get something without putting any effort (or the minimum effort).
But, I don’t blame myself for not listening to my intuition and falling for the wrong people. Everyone makes mistakes. In fact, mistakes are what causes us to grow and learn new things. They make us wiser if we decide to treat them as lessons, not as setbacks.
I am done with being ashamed to admit that I have yet another failed relationship. Because the thing is – I don’t have control over who I fall for, but I do have control to choose how long I will stay with them.
I can’t control how someone treats me, but I can control whether I will allow them to treat that way.
Image source: Geidiemme
