Our love story was not Disney-like. There were no red roses, warm kisses, unconditional care, and genuine commitment. Well at least, not from you.
As for me, you know exactly how ready and willing I was to give myself to you.
You know how much my heart craved your genuine love. You know how much my soul craved your energy. You damn right know how much my body longed for your soft touch, and my lips yearned for your warm kiss.
But, that wasn’t good enough for you.
Whatever I did, nothing was good enough for you.
I was the first to open up about my feelings, the first to show you my intentions, the first to text, the first to initiate a talk, the first to say I love you.
And you, you never bothered to do anything to pursue me.
For a long time, I thought I wasn’t trying hard enough. I thought maybe you didn’t know how much you mean to me. I even convinced myself that it was too hard and painful for you to feel comfortable and open up. I justified your bad behavior, thinking that the reason you couldn’t open up in front of me was your painful, past experience.
How foolish of me.
But, you know how it goes. Tides are always turning, seasons are constantly shifting, and people are always changing.
So, here I am.
I’ve accepted my fate and finally, I decided to let you go.
Only, my heart couldn’t do the same thing my arms did.
I might have convinced myself that staying by your side will cause me an even greater pain, but the heart wants what it wants. That I cannot change.
Even though I stopped chasing after you, I still reminisce about those few moments we had. Even though I’m through with you, I keep wondering and dreaming about where would we be now, if we stayed together and tried to make things work.
But, it is what it is.
I will never again look for you, nor chase after you. You are my past. Something I will bury and try to forget if my heart allows me. I know my rational mind won’t let me do anything foolish. But, my heart will not stop yearning for your love.
It’s true. I still want you. My body burns with desire whenever I hear your name.
I’m sometimes mad at myself for having those feelings, but I cannot help it. The fact that you were my greatest love and the one that got away fills me with despair and great sorrow. I feel like I’ll never be capable of loving someone the way I loved you.
BUT, I cannot do this anymore.
I cannot keep chasing after someone who doesn’t feel the same for me. I cannot visualize a future with a person who doesn’t give a damn whether he’s with me or not. I simply cannot give any more chances.
I deserve to have a shot at love. Even though I doubt I’ll ever love the way I loved you, I deserve a person who’ll try his best to make me fall madly in love with them.
