I’m too tired.
I’m tired of waiting patiently for you to notice me, to hear me calling your name. I’m tired of begging for your attention and love that you promised you’d always unselfishly give to me. I’m tired of crying and waiting for a better tomorrow.
I can’t do this anymore. This is not what I signed up for.
I gave you my heart, my mind, my body. I gave you everything I had. I let you be the owner of my heart because you convinced me that you’d always protect it. I threw my soul under your feet. And what did you do?
You trampled all over it so nonchalantly, without showing any mercy.
You fed my hopes with your big, fat lies, false promises, and excuses. And I believed you. Now, I know why they say love makes you blind. Because that’s exactly what happened to me. I could not see the person you really were. Now, I realize that the whole time, I saw and loved the person I wanted you to be.
I hoped that you’d change. That you’d see how desperately I was waiting for you to look into my eyes. That you’d see I was ready to do everything so as to keep you in my life.
But, all my hopes were in vain. You treated me more like I was a ghost than a real human being.
So, that’s it. I’m done. I’m letting go of you.
I didn’t have the power to choose who I’d fall in love with, but I can choose what I’m going to do now. I can choose whether I’ll continue living in this agony or I’ll walk away and turn the page.
And I’m choosing the latter. I’m choosing to make a fresh start and alone, by myself, build the kingdom I’ve always wanted to have.
I’m choosing to give myself the opportunity to love and be loved by someone the way I deserve. I’m giving myself the opportunity to fall in love with a person who is going to choose me every day and never give up on me.
It’s hard for me now. It pains deeply to tell you goodbye, despite everything you put me through. And it’ll continue being difficult even after I leave. But, that’s not going to last forever. It’ll only be a phase.
I was strong to swallow everything you put onto my plate and I have to be strong now, too, to walk away from you.
So, I’ll do my best to be myself again and move on with my life. I know that when I become happier and more fulfilled, I’ll know I made the right choice. I’ll realize that leaving you was the greatest gift I could ever give to myself.
I know I’ll be fine because after the rain, comes the sun. Because every end is followed by a beginning.
I know I’ll be fine because I’ll heal my wounds with the help of my strength, determination, and time. I’ll be fine because I’ll know how to love and appreciate myself more.
I’ll be fine because I’ll be wise and strong enough to no longer tolerate this kind of bullsh*t and people like you.
And I want you to know that I don’t hate you and I never will. After all it was you who made it easier for me to leave. It was you who did not give me a single reason to stay and who pushed me away before you caused me more damage. It was you who helped me realize that I deserved better. That I could do better.
I even feel sorry for you because there’s a part of you that’s broken and beyond repair. And this broken piece will prevent you from experiencing and understanding what genuine, pure, raw love feels like.
I also want you to know that I’m not going to remember what we had as a sad story or as a personal failure. At the end of the day, all the people that enter our life have a purpose. They all teach us valuable lessons.
They teach and help us understand things about us that we weren’t aware of before. They teach us how to love and respect ourselves more. But, they also teach us that not everyone in our life is meant to stay forever.
And sometimes, we learn these lessons the hard way, but that’s how we grow stronger and wiser.
And you know what?
I still sometimes wonder whether you ever had feelings for me. I wonder if your smiles, hugs, and kisses were real and honest as I thought them to be. Maybe I once meant something to you. I don’t know, you never bothered to show it.
Whenever I think about you and me and everything we went through, there’s always this thought that comes to my mind – it’s not me who is supposed to be sad. Because I lost the person who didn’t love me, but you lost the person whom you meant the world to.
Yes, it’s your loss, not mine.
And I hope that one day, you’ll see how badly you hurt me and that you’ll change before it’s too late. Before you hurt and destroy somebody else.
So, today I’m letting go of you and leaving you in my past. Today, I’ll take a deep breath and a big, confident step and start a new chapter in my life.
As much as I don’t want to, I have to move forward and pave the way to my happiness.
I love you, but I can no longer fool myself that things will change for the better.
I love you, but I love myself enough to admit that it’s time to let you go.
