I am sorry it is so difficult for me to agree to meet up. I am sorry about how silent I am during our conversations. I am sorry I always leave parties early. I am sorry sometimes I am a bad company. I am sorry it takes me a long to answer your calls and texts. I am sorry my energy drains so quickly that I always need to isolate myself to recharge. I am sorry I am not spending more time with you and the other people I love.
I am also sorry for all the times I let you down when you needed me. I am sorry for every canceled plan. I am sorry for all the excuses and the white lies I told you to get out of certain social situations. And I really hope you know that the reason for this all is my anxiety. I hope you know, me distancing from you has nothing to do with you and my love for you but it has everything to do with my unshakeable anxiety.
I love you. I care about you. I love spending time with you. I love having you around. But, please know that sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me and then it is extremely hard for me to be with anyone.
I know that I may seem heartless at times because of my fear of rejection. If I don’t text you or call you it is not because I have forgotten you, but it is because I fear you won’t reply or answer. I also avoid inviting you to my home because my anxiety makes me scared that you don’t want to come and that you will come up with a silly excuse just to avoid me.
Sorry for ever making you feel like you were not important. Sorry for making you believe that I didn’t care about our friendship at all. I do. In fact, I care so much, and I love you so much that it makes me overwhelmed and then my anxiety kicks in.
I am sorry. I am sorry for all the times my anxiety has put a wall between us. I have never forgotten you. You are always in my heart. I love you. And I need your love and friendship. It’s just it gets difficult to say all this to you because my anxiety makes me numb and scared.
I am sorry. I am sorry…
I am sorry about all those times I was a shitty friend to you. I am sorry I ignored you. I am sorry I disappeared for months without sending you a text and letting you know what is happening with me.
You deserve so much better than me. You deserve loyalty and honesty and stability. I am not that person right now, but I am working to better myself. I am fighting my anxiety. Because I never again want to be separated from a wonderful person like you.