The internet is full of websites that offer dating advice. And while some of them give incredibly insightful and good advice, many of them are built out of misogyny, patriarchy, and gender roles that add more fear and expectations on the whole process of dating.
Therefore, here are 5 bad “dating rules” that you need to stop following immediately.
1. MONOGAMY IS THE END GOAL OF EVERYONE
Yes, many people want to find someone with whom they will settle down and get married and spend their life together. However, that doesn’t mean that they want to get married right now or with you. If someone doesn’t want monogamy with you, doesn’t mean that they don’t want you. It only means that they are not ready to commit to someone in that way.
If you want, make monogamy your standard, but bear in mind that the other person may not share your beliefs. By expecting monogamy from every person you date, you set yourself and your relationship for failure because you don’t allow your relationship to build in an unconventional but beautiful way. Be open and honest and let your relationship to unfold naturally. Don’t force monogamy from the start.
2. DON’T REVEAL YOUR EMOTIONS TOO QUICKLY
There are so many rules about whether you should tell someone you like them and when and they all say that you should wait and not say ‘I love you’ first. They also say that you should wait to reply to their text because you don’t want to seem too eager at the beginning. Games, games, games…
If you want to have a genuine and authentic relationship, you should stop with the games and express yourself and your feelings. That way, you will be clear what you want and where you want to go which will give you insights whether you are dating the right person for you so that you don’t end up wasting your time.
3. WAIT AT LEAST 3 DATES BEFORE HAVING SEX
This rule comes from the idea that you must first get to know someone and connect with them mentally before you connect physically. But, time has nothing to do with it. You can jump into bed with someone after the first date or you can do it a year later.
As long as you both discuss openly about it – protection, condoms, STIs, birth control, etc. – you are safe. Because the more rule you put n something that is beautiful and natural the higher the chances you’ll destroy it because it won’t feel organic.
4. EVERYONE IS STRAIGHT UNTIL PROVEN OTHERWISE
We live in a sexual fluid world. People are now not ashamed to be whoever they want to be and to love whoever they want to love. Therefore, if you are not open to the possibility of falling in love with people of the same gender as you, or any gender for that matter, you are depriving yourself of forming beautiful bonds.
Moreover, if you always assume that someone is straight just because they are on a date with you, you don’t respect their identity. You should always stay fluid, curious, and open to new possibilities.
5. YOU MUST BE … (HAPPY, THIN, HEALED, BEAUTIFUL, COMPLETE…) BEFORE YOU CONSIDER DATING
Self-acceptance and self-love are keys to having a healthy relationship. The most loving and revolutionary thing you can ever do for yourself is loving and accepting yourself as you are, flaws and all. Because you are perfect as you are. You are you and that’s all that matters.
Of course, you should always look for ways to improving yourself and working on yourself, but don’t think that you are somehow flawed and that’s why you can’t be looking to find your person. Don’t fall in the ‘dating rules’ cage.’ Always be yourself and the right person will come.