Living a life in a codependent relationship is hard to handle. But, it is not until later that one realizes he/she has fallen into an addiction. Codependency is actually an addiction to the person that you are in a relationship with. Unfortunately, this kind of relationship is only bringing the two of you apart, rather than closer.
Once you realize that you two are living this cycle of codependency, begins the real struggle of valuing yourself and treating yourself first, looking out tenderly for yourself, and not sacrificing everything for the person you are in love with.
Love should be easy and relationships should make you wanna smile and get you those butterflies in the stomach. Relationships should not be difficult to handle or constantly thinking where the other person is, what he/she is doing, who is he/she with.
Relationships do not come with a user manual, they should be smooth and pleasant. Trying to change the person you’ve fallen in love with, or even worse – trying to control them and constantly relying on them with no personal growth for both of you is a clear path to destruction.
I have seen this behavior more than once, and I truly hope that if you find yourself in these words, you can begin the first steps to building a healthy and stable relationship with your partner.
I want to give you some examples of always settling for less and not taking care of yourself first:
1. Relationships are not your whole happiness.
Let’s go back to when you were single and you didn’t rely on your relationship and on your partner.
How was it back then?
I bet you were happy, you had friends, you went out a lot, maybe stayed at home, read a book, watched a movie, and took care of yourself. So, what’s changed?
You’ve found your partner and lost yourself in them.
Nowadays all you ever do is think about them, you obsess over their well-being, you neglect yourself, your friends and family.
Start changing this whole process, start going out to coffee dates with your best friends. That will add different joy and satisfaction to your life and you will see that this relationship is not your whole happiness.
2. You have your own statements as well.
Not everything your partner says is good and better. Start speaking your mind and having your own opinions for a change. Don’t be afraid that they might get upset.
YOU have the right to speak your own opinions, whether it’s an idea of going out someplace, or deciding what movie to watch, or perhaps where you should go on vacation. Stop making their opinion – your opinion.
3. Having those few moments for yourself.
Whether in a relationship or not, one must learn that we all need a few moments for ourselves. Why?
These moments help us reconnect with our inner-self. We then realize what we want and what we need. Maybe if you had these moments more often, you wouldn’t be in a situation of a codependent relationship. You would learn to cherish yourself more, and through that process, a healthy relationship would start.
4. Your partner’s mood doesn’t cloud the sun on your day.
If you’ve ever felt responsible for your partner’s mood, or perhaps constantly wondered how they were doing or if they were alright, stop torturing your beautiful self.
Your day was full of rainbows and sunshine when all of a sudden you get a call or text and you know your partner is feeling disturbed by something that really doesn’t concern you and clouds start taking over your day.
Why do you allow yourself that torture? Every person is a person for themselves.
5. Doing everything in the name of love.
I get that you want to do everything for the person you love. But if you are always there for them, then how are they going to learn to be independent? Knowing there is always someone on hold for them, they will start taking you for granted.
You will leave your friends for them, you will forget about your fitness goals just to keep up with them. Sooner than later, it is all about them, and nothing about YOU.
6. You can get someone way better.
Usually, people stay in codependent relationships when they think that they can’t find anyone better. Maybe that someone better is waiting for you just around the corner, expecting you to lift your head up and let be taken care of.
Remember that we can always do better and we deserve a healthy relationship.
7. Healthy Mind, healthy YOU, healthy Relationships.
Set boundaries, find happiness as an individual, lift yourself up, start taking care of yourself, love yourself, put yourself first.
Change yourself and you will see results. Whether those results come in this relationship or a new one, either way, you will know what you want and what you deserve.