I was always the person with the most contagious smile. People always tell me that I make them happy because I am always smiling. My optimism and bright energy are my blessings and I am proud of myself still having hope and being positive regardless of the demons I fight when no one watches.
Because to the outside world, I look like I have everything together. It seems like I live my dream life and have everything I want.
However, when everyone leaves and I am all by myself – I cry.
I cry because of everything I’ve loved and lost.
I cry because I need to find the strength in myself to keep going even though my heart feels broken.
I cry because inside – I feel empty. Because I feel that I have no one to turn to. I cry for my empty heart and empty womb.
I cry because I feel lonely and sometimes I feel that I’ve brought that to myself. Because of my walls. Because of my fears. Because of my insecurities and past wounds.
But then, I remind myself of the wonderful friends and family I have, and I start smiling again.
I smile for all the amazing things that are there in the world. I smile for all the things I am blessed with.
I smile because I know that everything happens for a reason and I will be okay again.
I am your sister, your girlfriend, your wife, your mother.
I strive for perfection. I want to take care of everything and everyone before I take care of myself. I put others’ needs in front of mine.
But I hide all my troubles behind my smile. I don’t let anyone see me struggling.
Because I deal with depression every day. And it eats me from the inside.
If you or someone else you know feels this way, please ask for help. You are not alone. There is always someone who will be happy to help you. We all matter. Let’s be there for one another.
