Marriage is hard work. It is saying yes to embracing, accepting and loving another person’s flaws, it’s making immense efforts to work things out when it feels too hard to move on. It is sacrificing your individual, selfish needs for the sake of the relationship.
With that being said, even though a marriage is a hard work, if the desire and will to make it work is stronger than the partner’s selfish behaviors, a marriage can overcome even the worst of scenarios.
However, once a marriage reaches a certain boiling point or let’s go to the other extreme and say cooling point, and comes to a point where the partners are no longer able to communicate and settle things down, it usually results with divorce or separation.
As humans, we are generally afraid of changes, and sometimes we prefer to keep things under the carpet instead of facing them. It seems that it is easier to choose the familiar even when it makes us miserable, instead of accepting the unknown that holds the possibility to bring us happiness.
But, here are 8 caution signs that your marriage has passed the point of no return and cannot be salvaged:
1. THERE’S A TOTAL BREAKDOWN IN COMMUNICATION
You notice that lately, it seems like you can’t stand each other. The moment you open your mouth to say something, they get all defensive and hostile, and that’s when all hell breaks loose.
When the communication between both partners is lost, and a potential compromise is simply impossible, it seems that the marriage is taking a wrong turn. At this point, separation is inevitable.
2. BOTH OF YOU ARE QUICK TO PUT THE BLAME ON EACH OTHER
Marital expert John Gottman advises that at these times it is essential to know the difference between complaint and criticism. A complaint is usually an objection, a remark about something that doesn’t feel right. However, a criticism is usually a negative comment that it is directly aimed at a someone’s behavior.
Once a marriage devolves to a point where every silly mistake is pointed out as a flaw or fault, you are officially in knee deep in negative territory.
3. YOU FEEL LIKE YOU NEED TO WALK ON EGGSHELLS AROUND YOUR PARTNER
While some believe that this way they maintain a peaceful status quo, walking on eggshells and pretending that everything is alright, is a warning sign that your marriage is coming to an end.
Your partner should be the person with whom you can speak about anything. Avoiding the elephant in the room can only increase the tension and cause a severe, emotional eruption.
4. THEIR BEHAVIOUR IRRITATES YOU
According to marital expert John Gottman, there’s a fine line between criticism and contempt.
Once criticism transforms into disgust, and you become slightly irritated of your husband’s usual habits (the way he/she uses the fork or the way he/she eats), it’s clear that your relationship is past the point of no return.
5. VERBAL ABUSE HAS BECOME WORSE
Verbal abuse is something that usually follows after the criticism and the feeling of disgust for your partner. The thing is, once the tension starts building up and the problems arise, common decency and respect often go out of the window.
6. YOUR PARTNER IS NOT THE ONE YOU TURN TO WHEN YOU FEEL BAD
Suddenly, you feel so distant that you feel as though you can no longer find shelter in your partners embrace. You’d rather face an issue on your own and suffer in solitude than confide in your spouse.
The more you isolate yourself, the more you grow apart from each other and find it harder to even try and fix the issues.
7. YOU SPEND MOST OF THE TIME FUNCTIONING LIKE A SINGLE PERSON
Do you fantasize about what your life would have been like if you weren’t married? Do you think about your own goals and needs?
This is connected with not confiding in the person you are supposed to respect and love. But, it says a lot more about your personal needs. If you already feel isolated and estranged from your spouse and you’re not even separated, it is clear that the marriage is knocking on exit’s door.
Once you start visualizing yourself without your partner, one thing is clear. You are ready to move on.
8. YOU AVOID EYE CONTACT
Eye contact is an essential part of a healthy connection. You cannot possibly love someone and express your deepest emotions without looking them in the eyes. They say it’s how souls catch on fire.
And, I personally believe that if a person avoids making eye contact, they have something to hide.
So, when this fundamental part fades away and you start avoiding your partner, it’s suddenly clear that your relationship is in a dangerous territory.
If you feel miserable in your marriage, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Talk it out, breathe it in, breathe it out and if you need, end it. No reason to stay is a good reason to go.
Image: Alexander Kuzmin
