I can’t do this anymore.
I can’t lie to myself.
I miss you.
There I said it… I miss you like the desert misses the rain. I miss you like the sun misses the moon. I miss you the grass misses the morning drizzle. I miss you like crazy.
I know I am not supposed to do this to myself, but I cannot take it anymore. I cannot keep lying to myself that I am fine when I am clearly not. I still think of you, even though I promised myself I wouldn’t. I still dream of you holding me in your arms. I still see you when I close my eyes. I still feel the smell of your cologne all over my pillow.
There is a reason why we aren’t in each other’s lives anymore. I know that. I know that we could have been happier if only tried harder. Because we had potential. I know it in my heart that we could have made everything work if we wanted. But I guess we weren’t strong enough. And so, we didn’t. We decided to choose the easiest way. To give up and let go of everything. Everything we once were. Every moment we once shared. Every memory we held dear.
It’s strange… One moment you were the only important person in my life. You were everything I hoped for and more. You were a big part of my world. The very next, you were gone.
The truth is, you are still on my mind, even though you aren’t beside me. You still take up all that space in me, even though your presence starts to fade away.
I still think of you even though I know I shouldn’t.
Yes, life did go on for both of us. We each chose a different road. We moved forward. I started one path and found what I was looking for. You started a different one, and I honestly hope that you also found whatever your heart desired. But here’s what. Even though it seems like things are going pretty fine, there is something missing here. I can feel it in my body. The emptiness is creeping inside of me.
When something good happens, I still want to call you and tell you all about.
When life knocks me down and I am too weak to move forward, I still want to send you a message that I need you beside me.
When certain things happen in my life that I know only you would understand, I still want to share that with you…
I know that I shouldn’t, and I know that I’ve promised myself I wouldn’t, but I still think of you. I can’t help myself. I miss you beyond words. I do everything to leave all of our memories behind me, but I am not strong enough.
You are still here. You are here in my thoughts, you are here in my dreams, you are here in my hopes.
In the end, it doesn’t really matter why or how we said our goodbyes. All it matters is that you will always remain a big part of my life. I will continue doing what’s best for me, I will continue chasing my dreams, I will continue making changes, but one thing will always stay the same, no matter what. The memory of us will always be there at the back of my mind. Reminding me of a time when everything was simple. Of a time when we loved each other.
