The truth is, some of us choose to be alone. Others are simply going through certain periods when they need to focus on themselves and heal from their previous hurtful relationships.
In a society like this, it is truly hard not to feel like a victim. People forget they even have a heart, they walk over you and mercilessly take away everything you have. They manipulate. They treat you like you are nothing. They are cruel. And, most of the time, it’s not your fault.
But, no matter how much you blame the society or curse the people who’ve done you wrong, it is important to understand that you have much more power over your love destiny than you can imagine.
It is completely up to us whether we will accept the victim identity of not being able to find the right person, or we will take total control of our lives and do something about it.
Here are 9 potential reasons why you’re still single:
1. EMOTIONAL DEFENSES
When you’ve been raised by emotionally unavailable parents who weren’t always there for you, that part of life scars and haunts you forever. The older you grow, the greater the bitterness your heart carries, and therefore the higher the walls you build around yourself.
You see the world through a tiny hole from your tower. You fear that tearing those walls will have a negative impact on you. So, you stick to what you’ve known best. Denying your vulnerability, protecting yourself and hiding in the shelter your own soul provides.
2. TOXIC ATTRACTIONS
As a result of their emotional defenses, most people tend to attract the wrong kind of people. People who are emotionally handicapped. And because these relationships often end up in tears, we end up blaming the partner instead of reflecting on ourselves and trying to find the reason for our bad choice.
Why? Because, most of us out there are unaware of the harmful patterns that make us seek out people who trigger negative emotions in us, remind us of our painful childhood and force us to relive the repressed traumas of our life.
3. FEAR OF INTIMACY
Most of us say that they dream of finding a partner who would love them, but not all of us are truly ready to give in to the whole ‘until death do us part’ thing.
The thing is, people who’ve been raised in a harmful environment and experienced pain from a very young age, have no knowledge of what true love is. They are unable to manifest such pure emotions because they fear intimacy. They fear the unknown.
Ultimately, they tend to be critical and engage in hurtful behaviors which shows that they don’t really want what they say they do.
4. NO SELF-CONFIDENCE
It’s is crazy how this society is filled with so many people who are so doubtful of themselves. A lot of friends that I’ve talked to desire one thing only. To find a loving and a fulfilling relationship. But the thing I could not understand was their terribly low self-esteem.
We all have an inner judge that reminds us of our insecurities, but some of us are simply not powerful enough to balance its existence. This is one of the reasons why some of us are still alone.
5. RIDICULOUSLY HIGH EXPECTATIONS
When we’ve had a life full of unpredictable, bad experiences, were rejected or deceived by people, got our hearts broken by people we loved purely, we tend to develop a more negative point of view. We start seeing the world as this cruel, merciless, disturbing, disgusting place where people tear you apart just so they can fulfill their dreams.
This often results in having ridiculously high expectations about love and writing everyone off before even giving them the chance to show us who they are.
6. FEAR OF COMPETITION
This is a normal feeling, I believe we’ve all experienced. Whenever we see that someone else is eye-balling the person we date, we immediately feel that we should back away. We feel anxious that they could probably do better. That we’re not good enough for our partner.
The fear of competing with the whole world out there forces us to avoid giving ourselves to other people. It terrifies us that we might never be enough for the people we love. That we might never be chosen.
7. WITHDRAWAL AND FINDING COMFORT IN ROUTINE
The older we are, the more we tend to search for comfort and peace. With age, we tend to settle down, find a job, stabilize financially and create a space which we call the comfort zone. A place where we seek shelter from the outside world and a place that hides us away from all the cares, risks and treats in the universe.
This is one of the reasons why people tend to fall into their comfort zones and stop challenging their lives.
8. FEAR OF COMMITMENT
This is usually a consequence of a very painful and toxic relationship. You can cut off the ones who’ve hurt you, you can put an end to the disastrous, abusive relationship, you can convince yourself that you’ve moved on with your life, but some fears and traumas that are buried deep inside our souls cannot be easily accepted.
9. RULES INSPIRED BY OUR PAST
And, as years go by, we develop certain rules and deal-breakers when it comes to dating. But, no matter how wise we think life has made us, it is important to realize that some rules that sound good and rational, might not always work in reality.
This is why most of us make the mistake of ‘judging the book by its cover’. This is why most of us are very quick to apply those same rules to every person out there, without even giving them a chance to prove themselves.
And this is probably why most of us end up alone.