Of course, some people are willingly choosing to stay single because a relationship is not what they want at that point in their life. Some are single because they have just broken up with someone and they want to be alone to heal. And there are others who are single because they haven’t found anyone that they are compatible with yet.
However, when it comes to relationships we all tend to have a victim mentality. We all like to think that we are doing everything by the book, that we have the best intentions and that others are those who are cruel and hurt us. This is far from reality.
We are responsible for our life, and our personal relationships are no exception. Bearing this in mind, we should know that we hold the power and our relationship status is up to us more than we think.
So, if you are wondering why you are still single, here are some possible explanations that you should consider.
1. YOU ARE GUARDED
We all have gone through our share of pain that comes from our intimate relationships. However, pain after pain after pain and we risk becoming too defensive and guarded. We fear being hurt again. So, we build our walls high to escape from any possible pain. Your self-defensiveness and fear may be the reasons why you are still single.
2. YOU FORM UNHEALTHY ATTRACTIONS
When you are guarded you are prone to get attracted to partners who are toxic to you. In fact, you might be sabotaging your relationships on purpose with choosing partners who are either emotionally unavailable or have some other issues and you just know deep down that your relationship is doomed to fail.
3. YOU HAVE A FEAR OF INTIMACY
Your fears of intimacy make you worried and anxious about “liking” someone too much or even worse, someone liking you back. In this case, you tend to push them away because you fear to get close to them. You punish them in any way that you can think of just so that they would leave you alone because large amounts of intimacy and closeness are making you sick.
4. YOU ARE VERY PICKY
When you had your heart broken too many times, you are vulnerable to become judgmental about everyone you meet. You fear being deceived and rejected again, so you decide to pick carefully your next partner. You have trust issues and at the same time, you have unrealistic expectations of what your ideal partner should be.
5. YOU HAVE A LOW SELF-ESTEEM
Your inner “critic” always tells you that you are not enough. Even though you want to have a loving relationship, you somehow don’t believe that you deserve one. Your lack of confidence is what pushes other people away from you and destroys your chances of finding true love and happiness.
6. YOU HAVE A FEAR OF COMPETITION
This fear is connected with your lack of self-esteem. When you don’t think highly of yourself, you don’t want to compete with others, so you choose not to compete at all. Of course, in a relationship, you shouldn’t have to compete ever for the love and attention of your partner. However, your fear is so big that you see competition everywhere. You are deeply scared that your partner will leave you for someone better.
7. YOU ARE ISOLATED
You got so comfortable in your routine that you wouldn’t change it for anything. You couldn’t risk getting out of your comfort zone and put yourself for a potential hurt and failure. After all, who wants to go out after a long day at work when you can comfortably relax in your pajamas?
8. YOU MAKE MANY RULES
As the years pass, you have made so many rules about dating and relationship that you are failing to realize that your rules are actually stopping you from finding a lasting relationship. Because oftentimes rules don’t apply to everyone in the same way. What works for one person may be completely different to what will work with another. In dating there are no strict rules, so you shouldn’t try to follow any. Just go with your instincts and your heart.
Image: Normen Gadiel
