Being in a relationship with a narcissist is hard, but breaking up with them is even harder. Because this is not a normal breakup. Couples that go through a normal breakup mostly follow the same pattern: they end their relationship, one or both partners grieve, and then they move forward, and in the best of situations, they may even remain friends.
However, with a narcissistic person, none of this is possible since for the narcissist there’s nothing to end or grieve over. Why? Because when you are in a relationship with this kind of person, everything is about them. And you – you are just someone they’re using to feed their ego and satisfy their need to be the center of attention.
You’re just someone they’re using to build themselves up and satisfy their selfish needs and desires. And to achieve that they lure you into their vicious cycle of lies and manipulations. They try to control you and your feelings and behavior in every way they can. Because that’s all they want – they want to feel that they have power over both you and the relationship.
And due to the fact that narcissists usually appear kind, charismatic, charming, and loving on the surface, this can make them hard to leave in the first place. But when you’ve had it enough of their lies, silent treatment, manipulations, and drama, and when you’ve finally summoned up the courage to leave them and return to the light of living is when the real struggle begins. It’s then when you find yourself on an emotional roller coaster and faced with difficult challenges.
So, here’s what to expect when you break up with a narcissistic person:
1. Obsessing.
When you are in a relationship with a narcissistic person, you spend a considerable amount of time trying to understand their confusing character and behavior. You try to make sense of all the harsh words they hurl at you. And this habit of analyzing their toxic behavior is likely to stay with you long after you break up with them.
So, when you find yourself obsessing about the bad characteristics of your narcissistic ex-partner, what you need to do to get out of this habit is remind yourself that you two aren’t together anymore and that they no longer impact your life in any way whatsoever.
2. Rationalizing.
In your relationship with the narcissist, you got used to finding ways to justify their blatant lies, empty promises, and lame excuses so that you convince yourself that there was nothing wrong with the relationship and maintain the peace between you two.
However, despite all the narcissistic bullsh*t you had to tolerate, you’ll most likely miss your ex-partner and you’ll still try to find excuses for their bad behavior after you break up with them.
So, to save yourself from this pain, the best thing you should do is go no contact. Don’t answer their calls and make sure you block them on every social platform. This is a great way to distance yourself from them completely and begin healing.
3. Struggling with anxious feelings and thoughts.
Anxiety is one of those negative feelings that you got used to in the relationship with your narcissistic ex-partner and the breakup will most likely cause you to feel additional stress and fear. In order to get through this period more quickly, you can try practicing meditation, yoga, dancing, or any other activity that will help you reduce the stress.
4. Self-doubt.
To make you fall in love with them and gain your trust, a narcissist will be kind, caring, and supportive, and they’ll shower you with compliments, sweet words, and affection. But once you fall into their trap, you can literally forget about this.
As soon as the seduction phase is over, they’ll try to make themselves feel powerful and in control of both you and the relationship in any way possible. Unfortunately, that usually involves criticizing you and putting you down. In this way, they’ll accomplish their goal to make you doubt yourself and your own judgment.
If you happen to have low self-esteem and doubt your own perceptions and logic after the breakup, make sure you always keep in mind that you were never defined by this relationship. You might also try talking to a therapist or reading self-help books that will help you gain your self-confidence back.
5. Shame.
After you break free from your narcissistic partner, it’ll become clear to you how unhealthy and messy your relationship was. And that can make you feel ashamed. You might find it hard to forgive yourself for being so naïve and foolish for letting them manipulate you and play with your feelings for so long.
But there’s no need to do this to yourself. What you should remember is that it was not your fault that you fell victim to their charm, sweet words, and lies. Narcissistic individuals are excellent at manipulating people, so it could happen to anyone. And if your narcissistic ex didn’t appreciate your honesty, empathetic soul, and kindness – you’re not to blame for it.
6. Feeling a bit ‘meh.’
Narcissistic people want to have the power when they’re in a relationship. They want to have control over their partner’s emotions, decisions, and actions.
You almost never feel like yourself when you’re around them. You’re constantly experiencing various kinds of emotions – it’s like you’re on an emotional roller coaster.
So, after you split, you might feel lost and bored, like nothing is happening around you. You might also feel like something’s missing. To overcome these feelings faster, try taking up some relaxing hobbies and doing activities that will give you a sense of fulfillment.
7. Jealousy.
As soon as their relationship ends, narcissists generally get into a new one. And the reason for this is simple – they need a new victim to satisfy their hunger for attention and praise. Knowing that they have a new partner may make you feel jealous. But you don’t need this.
So, whenever you feel a pang of jealousy because of your narcissistic ex, remind yourself that their new partner is just someone who will suffer the way you did and that their relationship won’t last long.
8. Grief.
Breakups bring grief and pain. So, when you break free from the narcissist, you’ll likely struggle with that. But don’t despair because your heart will eventually stop hurting. You only need to be patient and give yourself time to heal.
