If you are worried and wondering whether your marriage is on the verge of divorce, or if you want to find out whether there is still hope to save it and turn things around, read on.
Researchers John Gottman of the Gottman Institute and Robert Levenson from the University of Washington have been studying relationship dynamics and marriage psychology for years and their findings have proven to be more than 90% accurate.
So, here are 5 signs according to them that your marriage is doomed to fail.
1. CRITICISM AND COMPLAINING
The first sign that something is wrong in your marriage is constant complaining and criticism. This is truer for situations where one partner gets angry and upset with the behavior and actions of their spouse and they blame them for everything.
2. DEFENSIVENESS
This goes sign goes hand in hand with complaining and criticism. Or in other words, one partner gets defensive when their spouse criticizes them, and they criticize back. Soon, it will become a never-ending battle and a vicious cycle with only one way to end it (divorce).
3. EMOTIONAL WITHDRAWAL OR ‘STONEWALLING’
This is a situation when your partner becomes emotionally distant, doesn’t listen or take an initiative into your relationship. When it happens regularly, stonewalling is very bad news for the future of the marriage.
4. CONTEMPT
The word ‘contempt’ is a strong one and it can mean many different things, but when it comes to relationships and marriage it is used to indicate the negative opinions that one partner has about their spouse. Usually, one partner believes they are superior, and they look at their spouse with contempt, as their inferior. According to the researchers, this is the greatest predictor of divorce.
5. LOW RATIO OF POSITIVE TO NEGATIVE INTERACTIONS
And finally, the most common sign when it comes to couples who’ve been married for more than a decade. This sign is an indicator that the marriage is experiencing a crisis. When there are more negative interactions between the partners than there are positive, you know that something is wrong there.
The healthy ratio is approximately 5 ‘positive’ interactions (compliments, laughing, kissing, cuddling etc.) for every negative one (lying, criticizing, bickering etc.). On the other hand, an unhealthy marriage is when the couple is having more ‘negative encounters’ than positive.
So what NOT to do if you want your marriage to survive? The simple answer is – NOTHING. The worst thing you can do about your marriage is not do anything to solve the problem.
Many couples make the mistake of waiting too long before they decide to take action and mend their broken marriage. Because the longer you wait, the lower the chances of having a healthy and loving marriage.
Good luck, and I hope you save your marriage before it’s too late.
