There’s no recipe for the perfect relationship: in fact, perfection comes when the two are genuine and act out of pure love and emotion. It is then that couples become deeply connected and can see themselves growing old together.
As the Gottman Relationships Research Institute says, it takes “hundreds of very ordinary, mundane moments” through which couples will create a deep, emotional and intimate connection.
And what does it happen when this deep connection is established? Here are 5 habits of deeply connected couples.
1. CONTINUOUSLY LEARNING ABOUT ONE ANOTHER
The more you think you know a person, the more you understand how little you know about them. And this is amazing, really. Getting to know your partner is a continuous experience which should never stop.
So, why not ask them some deep questions to learn more? Here are some examples:
*Do you remember your first experience with the death of a pet or a loved one?
*What was the most frightening/saddest/happiest moment of your childhood?
*What do you think you’d be doing and where would you be if we never met?
*Why do you believe in the things you believe in?
*Who do you see as the most important influence in your life?
*What are your personal goals for this year? How can I help you achieve them?
*How can I be a better partner to you?
2. SHARING INTIMATE DETAILS ABOUT YOURSELF
We all have our personal, private aspects of ourselves which we don’t usually think of sharing. These can range from the most mundane things to the deeper things that we don’t usually choose to share.
Talk about your vulnerabilities, some embarrassing situations, secrets, bodily information, interpersonal rituals, you name it. You are a universe inside a universe, and your partner should be welcome to explore it.
3. POSITIVE INTERACTIONS
Your relationship is one that is bound to have both positive and negative moments. However, focusing on creating positive moments is what will make it thrive. Deeply connected couples overcome the negative and build the positive.
Treat your relationship like a bank account: your positive moments are the income and the negative moments are the times you withdraw – and make sure you don’t go bankrupt.
4. SHARED PHILOSOPHY
Of course, there will always be those disagreements which are there for you to learn to make compromises and build a mutual understanding of the world around you. Deeply connected couples have managed to use the differences to their advantage and learn from one another until they have established a shared philosophy of life.
So no, it doesn’t have to start with having the same opinions and philosophies about life, but connection means learning to let go of some assumptions and create a more evolved view – together, learning from one another.
5. REINFORCED COMMITMENT
Perhaps the most important factor for maintaining a deep connection is the constant effort from both sides to protect one another’s feelings. This is true commitment, really. Nobody said that the only form of betrayal is cheating, and being faithful means a lot more.
Protect each other’s boundaries and keep each other’s intimate details secret, because they were shared out of trust. There are endless opportunities to betray a person, just as there are as many to protect them and earn the best of relationships.
SOURCE:
HTTP://WWW.EGRETSCRIPTS.COM/GOTTMAN/DAILY_MARITAL_INTERACTIONS_AND_POSITIVE_AFFECT_DURING_MARITAL_CONFLICT_AMONG_NEWLYWEB_COUPLES_DRIVER_GOTTMAN_2004.PDF
