Narcissism is a complex subject and that’s why simple and formal diagnostic labels don’t do justice to the richness of this condition.
The apparent signs of narcissism are easy to spot – the absence of empathy, the feeling of grandiosity and entitlement, the rage of being exposed… and so on.
But, there are subtle signs of narcissism that will show at the beginning of the relationship and if you are not blind to see them, you can save yourself and move away from the narcissist before they destroy your life.
1. THEY PROJECT THEIR FEELINGS OF INSECURITY ONTO YOU
A narcissist will say and do things that will make you feel less than them – less accomplished, less smart, less competent, less attractive etc. They do this in order for you to perceive them as more important than you and feel grateful that they chose you as their partner.
It’s as if they are saying to you, “I don’t want to feel small and insecure, so I am going to make you feel small and insecure in order for me to feel better about myself.”
2. THEIR EMOTIONS ARE SHALLOW
Emotions are a natural indicator of being human and we have lots of them that we use in the course of our day-to-day life. Narcissists, on the other hand, don’t want to have their actions influenced by emotions. They would rather die than admit they are affected by someone or something other than them.
And it’s not that they are not able to feel anything. They can, but these emotions are very shallow and short-lived. They are also of the very primitive type, such as anger, jealousy, envy etc.
3. THEY HAVE A NEED TO ALWAYS BE IN CONTROL
If there is one thing a narcissist detests is depending on someone else. That’s why they are the ones who maneuver people and arrange events to craft the outcome they want. This often leads to controlling and abusive behavior.
That’s why some men berate their wives if the dinner is not ready when they come home. They do it because it that very moment they are forced to face the reality that they depend on their wife.
Some narcissists use tactics such us last-minute calls to cancel plans, being deliberately late, and so on in order to stay in control.
4. THEY WORSHIP THEIR IDOLS
Narcissists tend to put people who they think are perfect on a pedestal. And the logic behind it is that the narcissist believes that if they have someone ‘perfect’ in their life, their perfection will rub off on them and they’ll also become perfect.
But, no one is perfect, and the moment the narcissist finds some flaw in their idol is the moment that the attraction they have for them will go out the window.
What are your experiences with this? Do you have something more to add?