Let’s stop sugar-coating it. Let’s say it like it is.
Singledom is hard. It’s a challenging, painful, confusing, heart-wrenching, and depressing part of life. Especially after getting out of a toxic relationship. You who have survived this period without going insane – You are real fighters, I hope you know that.
However, there’s another side to singledom. The one that only the strongest people manage to see. The truth is, even though this journey can be one of the hardest things life faces you with, singledom is undoubtedly the most empowering transformation that you’ll ever experience. Especially after getting out of a toxic relationship.
Make no mistake. It is always hard at the beginning. Those first days, first weeks, and in some cases the first months are devastating. You might feel like your whole world has turned upside down. You might feel like you have no control over your thoughts and emotions. The mind can wander to dark places, you might feel incapable of coping with those unexpected feelings, painful memories and the devastating losses can make the silence around you haunting. All that time alone can even force you to start blaming yourself. Just being there in the moment and doing things on your own can feel lonely and distressing.
Seeing your friends and family having a better shot at life and love may also add up to the pressure. No matter how much you convince yourself that you’re happy for them when you witness their moments of love and tenderness, it is normal to feel sad that it is not you who is experiencing them.
In times like these, it is important to understand that this feeling is completely normal. But what’s more important is that no matter what you do, you must never let the game of comparison overwhelm you into thinking that you will never find happiness ever again.
Many people don’t have the strength to cope with this pressure so they turn to self-destructive and harmful behaviors hoping that this way they’ll somehow fill the horrible void within themselves. So, they jump from one bad relationship to another, make the worst decisions of their lives, and eventually end up hanging with the wrong crowd thinking that the busier we are, the sooner the pain will fade away and they’ll recover…
But guess what? The pain never fades away unless you embrace it and decide to live with it. In fact, I don’t think it ever fades. You simply adjust to it, accept it not as a foe, but as a friend. As a force that can make you stronger… If you’d only let it.
It all depends on how you decide to look at the glass. It can be half-full or half-empty.
However, that doesn’t change the fact that singledom is the most important step in life after getting out of a toxic relationship. If you’ve fought for a long time and now you’re finally free from your victim trap, it is very important that you distance yourself from the ex-partner. This means not interacting with the said person in any manner or through any medium. That includes both in-person meetings as well as virtual contacts.
If you are both single and an emotional trauma survivor, your situation might be more complex than just being single. This means that you’ll probably need more time and more work on yourself to get back on your feet. The first thing you have to do in order to start healing is to make more time for yourself. When I say time for yourself, I mean time for self-reflection. And when I say self-reflection, I mean less obsessing and more focusing on your emotions.
Finding the source of painful emotions will eventually help you find yourself. Embracing solitude will give you more time to discover who you really are by observing the issues within you and healing your wounds. Spending time on your own will build the spiritual depth within your soul and calm you. You’ll finally be free to do whatever we want with your life, and with it, you’ll learn what it feels to be completely independent.
It won’t be easy. It will require a lot of patience, work, resilience, and bravery to face your pain and heal after such a devastating heartbreak. But in time, it will all be worth it.
