I can still feel the pain in my chest that I felt 3 years ago when my mother called me to tell me that my grandma passed away… I remember being at work when my phone rang. My schedule that day was crazy, and I was all over the place trying to finish everything in time. I remember saying hello and hearing my mother’s voice over the phone… She sounded strange… The next thing I heard was… “She is gone. Nana passed away”.
My heart shattered to pieces. Suddenly I lost my breath. I felt like there is a big lump in my throat that I couldn’t get out. Tears started pouring down my face as I rushed out of the office…I vividly remember every single minute and second of that day because that was the day when I first lost someone I loved.
It’s been three years ever since we said goodbye to her, but I still cannot fill the hole inside my heart. I still cannot get over the fact that I wasn’t there to see her for one last time. To tell her how much I love her. To let her know how much she meant to me. Not a day goes by that my soul doesn’t feel the sorrow when I want to share something with her and realize that she is no longer there…
People tell me that time will eventually help me heal, but I don’t believe that saying to be true. No matter how much I try and no matter what I do, I cannot get over my grief… It is not anger, nor sorrow that I feel in my guts. Ever since she died, there is this big hole inside my heart that I cannot do anything about… You know why?
Because contrary to people’s belief, grief is not a process. It is not something that lasts for a few months and then fades away. When you lose a loved one, grief becomes a part of you. It attaches to you and never lets you go. You live your life, you smile, you follow your journey but there is something inside of you that stays there to haunt you. And it changes your life forever…
And that was my grandma… Imagine losing a parent…
Imagine how my mother felt…
There are no words to describe the gut-wrenching pain of losing a loved one.
So, please try being a bit more considerate and stop telling people to just get over their grief.
I know that you probably mean well, but I would appreciate if you’d stop asking me to just let go… I cannot just wake up one day and say “It’s over. I am done being sad now.” That’s not how it works. I cannot fight against my emotions. I cannot pretend that I feel nothing when a big part of my life has been taken away from me.
I certainly didn’t ask for grief to enter my world. Accepting the fact that my grandma is not here anymore was the most painful thing that I’ve ever experienced in my life. But grief has made me more empathic and understanding of people’s experiences. It has opened my eyes to the truth. It has taught me that nothing lasts forever. It has made me realize that sometimes we forget that we are only mortals. It has shown me that we take our loved ones for granted. And it has made me grateful for every person in my life.
So, please, stop telling me to get over it.
I wouldn’t trade grief for anything. Because grief is not a process. Grief is something that changes you. Something that opens your heart and helps you feel. Something that allows you to feel raw emotions. Emotions that will probably break your heart to million pieces but will also remind you that you shouldn’t take this life for granted.
