I don’t care if you understand the things I did. Honestly, at this point, I don’t really have the strength within me to convince you to understand me. Because I’m done. Truly done. With all of it. This thing that we shared. You. Us. Everything.
I am done trying to salvage something that cannot be salvaged.
Do you know how long I sat there waiting for you to make up your mind about whether or not you want to be with me?
I know that I told you I would wait for you, but it turned out, I really can’t.
And let’s admit it. It is not that I don’t care at all. That is just something I tell myself to alleviate my pain. It’s just something that I honestly like to believe in, but I still don’t.
Doing this hurts me more than it hurts you.
Do you know why? Because you were never the one who wondered how loved you are. I always did everything to let you know how I feel about you. It was me. I was the one who suffered and questioned everything about you. Because you never ever bothered to prove your love to me. All you had in your defense were words. Cheap words.
I’ve been holding on to you for years, but now it is time to finally let go.
That doesn’t mean that I will stop loving you.
No matter how much I try to release my heart from the love I have for you, I cannot. You were the first person that I opened my soul to. The first person who saw my vulnerable self. The one who despite his imperfections and wrongdoings, taught me many important things about life. The one who wiped my tears. But you were also the one who couldn’t give me the same amount of love as I did. And that is why I am finally deciding to let go. Forever.
I would be lying if I said that there wasn’t anything good about us. There were moments. There was passion. There were some fireworks. And yes, there was love. But it wasn’t enough to make me stay. It wasn’t enough to make me feel loved. It wasn’t the love that I desperately kept giving you.
I never wanted to say goodbye to you. At least not like this. You have to know that I really tried saving what we had. I really put my heart and my soul into this relationship. I waited for you to realize what you want from life. I was patient when you couldn’t express your emotions for me. But just like everything else in life, it takes two to tango. I couldn’t do it on my own. And I shouldn’t do that on my own.
So, here I am. Letting go of everything.
I’m sorry we didn’t make it. I am sorry things turned out the way they did. I am sorry our love wasn’t enough. But I am not sorry for leaving you. In a parallel universe, we might have made it. But this reality destroys me. And I cannot be its hostage anymore.
I’ve been holding on to you for many years, but now it is time for me to let go and find my happiness someplace else.
I honestly hope you find yours too. Whatever happiness means to you.
Thank you for growing with me. Thank you for the things that you’ve done for me. And thank you for making me realize that we should always love ourselves first.
This article is written by Stephanie Reeds. If you have any questions regarding this topic or one of your own interest, feel free to email me at [email protected].
