“There is some kind of a sweet innocence in being human—in not having to be just happy or just sad- in the nature of being able to be both broken and whole, at the same time.” ~C. JoyBell C.
“Get over it.” Words that we are so fond of hearing after we experience a loss or we are in pain. We even tell ourselves these words as a coping mechanism because we believe that we should get over what pains us after a certain period of time.
But, how long it is okay to feel sad? When should we start feeling better? And what does ‘getting over’ really mean?
When we talk about getting over a loss, we usually think of making ourselves psychologically unshakeable. Getting over a loss means reaching a point when we are untouched and unaffected by memories, even the fondest ones of the person or the thing we have lost. And this is a type of healing perfectionism.
Because by saying “I am getting over” we are saying we believe that feelings of pain and sadness must be overcome. Survival teaches us to avoid things that make us feel bad and go towards what makes us happy.
However, when we are healing from pain and loss, ignoring our feelings of sadness will only bury that pain deeper inside us. When we don’t deal effectively with our feelings, they will never leave our body thus affecting our whole wellbeing subconsciously.
We should embrace and accept sadness as a part of ourselves. We should feel okay with suffering just like we are okay with happiness. These opposite emotions can’t exist one without the other. They are what make us human. When we push our sadness away we are also pushing our happiness away. That’s why, rather than trying to find ways to “get over it” we should make a home inside of us for it. Like it is a person.
Memories are the things that connect us to the person or the thing we’ve lost. And therefore we should cherish them instead of trying to forget them. When we remember, we feel sad. We suffer. But there is something genuinely beautiful in it. Because in this kind of pain there is pure love. And love is the essence that moves us all.
Love is the only thing that doesn’t hurt but heals.
