It might be tough to enter a healthy relationship after leaving a toxic one. You could recover quickly from past traumas. But if you were in a toxic relationship, the emotional damage you sustained could take months or years to heal. Nevertheless, remember that your past experiences should not dictate your future.
Instead of allowing the past to define you, accept the pain, learn from it, and move on. Recognize that you deserve the best and of finding love. Do everything in your power to prepare for the next relationship. This entails mending your scars to become the best version of yourself. It’s easier said than done. It will take some time, but it will be worthwhile.
You can do several things to ensure you get into and stay in a healthy relationship. If you need a guide, consider getting dating coaching for men. Women can also do likewise. That said, here’s a guide on how to be in a healthy relationship.
- Constantly Remind Yourself Of Your Worth
Your self-esteem might be affected when you’re in and out of toxic relationships. One of the reasons why some people find themselves in toxic relationships is because they struggle with self-worth. People who don’t know themselves jump from relationship to relationship, hoping to find fulfillment. They also settle for less because they have not discovered who they truly are.
The truth is that you must become the person you wish to attract. If you want to be in a stable relationship, you must believe that you are worthy of being loved properly. This implies you know what you want and don’t want. You also know what you can and cannot tolerate because you know what you are worth. Once you develop a positive view of yourself, you will attract what you desire.
- See A Therapist
People process trauma differently. As a result, people will recover from emotional trauma at different rates. However, whether you believe it is necessary or not, seeing a therapist is always a good idea.
Some people tend to act as if everything is okay when it isn’t in the name of being ‘brave.’ While it is good to be brave, neglecting your feelings can be detrimental. If you don’t deal with your trauma, it will re-emerge. Unless you confront your emotional scars via therapy, they may affect your future relationships.
A therapist will help you to process your trauma healthily. They will assist you in unlearning toxic narratives about yourself that you may have formed due to past experiences. They will also lend you an open ear so you can pour your heart out, which is critical when seeking to understand your situation. Remember that seeking professional assistance is a sign of strength, not weakness.
- Do Not Ignore The Red Flags
When you like someone, it’s easy to ignore their yellow and red flags. No one is flawless, and if you’re honest, you shouldn’t dismiss red flags. It’s easy to magnify the good things about someone you like. However, those red flags can spell the end of a relationship. Never disregard toxic behaviors like yelling unnecessarily, gaslighting, not communicating, insults, shaming, using the silent treatment, and getting physically violent.
People may initially hide their true colors, so you may not notice their red flags immediately. But they can only pretend for so long. When someone becomes comfortable, their true colors will come out. If you see any red flags, you must act immediately. If this is a recurring trend, consider leaving to protect yourself.
- Stay Single Until You Are Ready
Some people get into toxic relationships because they’re desperate for love. There’s nothing wrong with being in a relationship. But being desperate is bad because it compels you to settle for less. You must recognize that your worth or identity is not and should not be derived from a relationship. Before you are a friend, partner, or spouse, you are an individual. So, you must have a good relationship with yourself first.
Understand that it’s okay to stay single for some time. Granted, you may be one of those who enjoy being in a relationship, which is fantastic. But it’s important to practice self-love before getting into a relationship with someone else. No matter how much another person loves you, that relationship is unlikely to fulfill you if you don’t love yourself. Recognize that your worth comes from within. So, before entering any relationship, you must first learn to live with yourself.
- Forgive Yourself
Forgiveness is a vital step in healing from trauma. It’s not to say that you should justify whatever happened. Forgiving yourself implies that you are leaving the past behind to move forward. You don’t need anyone’s permission to be kind to yourself.
The only way to move forward is to free yourself from the chains of shame, disappointment, confusion, anger, and hurt. When you forgive yourself, you give yourself the freedom to live the life you believe you deserve. You are free to pursue what you desire in a relationship.
Most people want to be in a successful, healthy relationship. Unfortunately, toxic relationships are quite common. You often don’t have control over the outcome of any relationship. So, if things don’t work out, you must be compassionate towards yourself.
Generally, you must understand what you want and who you are to be in or find a healthy relationship. Also, heal from past trauma by seeking help from a therapist. Don’t beat yourself up. Forgive yourself and believe that you are worthy of a healthy relationship.