Everyone wants to be great in bed; not just good, but great. We want the kind of mind-blowing sex that leaves both partners completely satisfied. Quality of sex can vary with different factors, from location to energy level and mood. Good sex also comes with a range of health benefits for everyone.
Men tend to focus too much on the purely physical aspects of intercourse. A 2017 study of 1,055 heterosexual women from the US, which explored their experiences with sex and orgasms, showed that a minority believed sex alone was enough to bring them to climax. More than a third said they needed clitoral stimulation and more than half shared they needed emotional intimacy and foreplay to orgasm or that their orgasms were better when they had it.
This leads to our logical first tip:
1. Communicate
Men should ask what their partners like in bed, ideally before sex. You can’t expect them to enjoy sex if you have no idea what they like. Avoid getting stuck in a rut. Even if both partners are still interested in sex, changing things up a bit can take your love life from good to great. Intimacy and sex may strengthen your bond and your relationship in general, but if sex has become routine and boring, problems can surface.
2. Diversify
Use your hands, your mouth, even your feet if you must. Sexual experiences must be diverse to be enjoyable. While there’s nothing wrong with standard penetration, most women need additional stimulation to climax, as we’ve already pointed out.
3. Research to get new Ideas
Assuming the routine is the problem – it is with most couples who aren’t sexually satisfied – you obviously need to do something about it. However, that’s easier said than done. When it comes to introducing new ideas in the bedroom, doing “sex” research can pay off, especially if you do it together. You could read erotic stories, watch porn, or check out some educational videos about sex techniques. Once you discover something that appeals to both of you, give it a shot.
It’s important not to agree to anything you don’t feel completely OK with. Some BDSM stuff is not suitable for beginners. A lot of sexual acts require special accessories or equipment, which you can’t (and shouldn’t!) do without.
4. Invest Effort in Foreplay
Foreplay doesn’t have to start in the bedroom, nor does it have to end there. If you’re planning on having sex in the evening, for example, send your partner sexy text messages during the day. The anticipation of pleasure is pleasure in itself.
Foreplay begins when you wake up. It’s important to encourage each other. That makes it easier to please your partner. Forward them a sexy meme or even make a seductive call. Your partner will appreciate you thinking of her even though you’re not together. Don’t stop flirting just because you’ve been together for a while.
5. Explore Different Zones
Men tend to focus on genitals, but for the female population, the vagina is just one piece of the puzzle. People have many different erogenous zones: the neck, the back, the inner thighs, sometimes even the feet. Women love having the nape of their necks touched and caressed. Nipple stimulation is a very big deal. Some women orgasm very quickly after that. Take time to explore your partner’s body. She will love you for it.
6. Try Cumming Before Sex
If you don’t last very long in bed, try orgasming before. Men have a period of recovery after ejaculation, where their bodies replenish. If you cum before, you’ll probably delay ejaculation and last longer than usual. Of course, this isn’t optimal for everyone as not being able to get another erection is a risk.
7. Lubricant is Important
The vagina lubricates naturally, but it’s not always enough. With age, lubrication tends to decrease. Water-based lube is cheapest, but the quality can leave something to be desired. It’s recommended if you’re using toys. If you’re not, go for silicone- or oil-based instead. Lube is mandatory for anal sex, with or without a condom.
8. Try Some sex Toys
Some women need strong clitoral stimulation to cum and men get tired. A little vibrator can be a very good friend. Not only will it give you something to concentrate on; she’ll get the intensity typically needed to cum, with or without penetration. You don’t need to limit your selection to sex toys for women. There are rings, massagers, strokers, and other stuff that’s perfect for men.
There are also toys designed for couples. Shop around and choose something together. It’s always good to switch things up in the bedroom. What’s more, you don’t need to use the toy every time. Some couples will find these toys a nice change from the usual.
9. Be Brave
Not all women are happy with the standard stuff. If your partner needs something more involved, do try to comply. Ask her what she has in mind. Light bondage might work, as could explorations into kink in general. Roleplay excites some people. Spanking can be fun, including as foreplay.
10. Explore Pleasure Points
There are different pleasure points: cervical, internal, anal, and more. Women can orgasm in more than one way. Talk to her about her specific preferences.
11. Consider Orgasm Control
Postponing gratification lets people enjoy a more powerful orgasm at the end and prolongs the act itself. Look into edging, a type of orgasm control where people start to limit stimulation when they approach climax.
Final Thoughts
Never underestimate the importance of good communication. It should go beyond “I love you”, obviously. Not to mention this isn’t something that should be repeated as often as it is in the movies. When you keep saying it, it has the opposite effect. Your words of affirmation of the relationship should be just as varied as your sex positions. You could tell them you’re proud of them when they succeed at something or simply that they mean so much to you. Whatever you say, mean it when you say it.
