When someone treats you badly and unfairly, when someone breaks your heart and wounds your soul, when someone shatters your dreams and hopes of a better tomorrow… you must know how to deal with that amount of pain so that its effects won’t be detrimental for your wellbeing.
I know how it feels to be deeply hurt by the one you love the most. I’ve been there. I’ve experienced the lingering pain of betrayal and mistreatment. Maybe your parents neglected you. Maybe your partner cheated on you. Maybe your best friend betrayed you. Maybe your colleagues were making fun of you… the list is long.
It hurt back then, it hurts still. That’s because our brains are wired to create memories based on the strength of the emotions that we’ve experienced in a particular situation. That’s why feelings of hurt, pain, depression, loneliness, isolation, fear, and anxiety last very long.
If you want to heal yourself and let those negative emotions go, the first thing you need to do is forgive. Forgive them and forgive yourself for allowing them to hurt you.
I know that this is easier said than done, but with the right mindset and the right attitude, anything is possible. The power of forgiveness is enormous. However, bear in mind that forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you forget what they did to you and you move on. Nor it means that you absolve them for any guilt and the impact that their action had on you. Forgiveness means kindly releasing the desire to punish the one who hurt you.
Forgiveness is a choice you consciously make.
And when you choose to forgive them, here is how you can do it in 8 simple steps.
1. Understand that forgiveness is possible. In order to forgive someone, you must first know in your heart that forgiveness is possible. You must accept the fact that forgiveness is the solution to freeing yourself and healing.
2. Choose to forgive. You can neither force yourself into forgiving someone nor force them to forgive you. Forgiveness is a conscious choice we make. You must desire it from the heart.
3. Make a list. Make a list of everyone who has wronged you or hurt you in some way. Then, prioritize the list rearranging the names beginning with the one who’s hurt you the most. Then, start forgiving the ones at the bottom of the list and work your way up. Make sure you take all the time you need to experience and process all the emotions that are burning inside you.
4. Expose the anger. Denying the anger and burying it inside you is one of the most dangerous things that you can do. In order to heal, it’s essential for you to get rid of any anger that you hold inside.
5. Consider the other person’s feelings. You are both human, you both are mortal, you both bleed when cut, and you both make mistakes. Someone hurting you doesn’t make them a bad person. Think about that.
6. Soften your heart. By practicing the act of forgiveness you’ll soften your heart that has been hardened by the past hurt and wounds.
7. Reflect. Consider what lessons you’ve learned while you were hurting and how far you’ve become by practicing forgiveness.
8. Repeat the process.