Sadly, almost every person gets gaslighted at some point in their life. The horror comes when you are being gaslighted by your loved one because the pain that comes from it can be devastating and affect your emotional, physical, and mental wellbeing.
This mind game is so subtle that many people fail to recognize that they are being gaslighted.
The main reason why you might fail to recognize it is that you might believe that the person you love and trust could never be able to betray and manipulate you like that. You are in denial because you love your gaslighter who is also very skilled at covering their tracks and leaving no evidence behind – a master manipulator.
Gaslighting is the most dangerous and sadly the most effective means of manipulation. The gaslighter, who in most cases is a narcissist or a sociopath, intentionally uses this technique to psychologically and emotionally abuse people and get full control over them.
The true purpose of gaslighting is to diminish one’s self-confidence and self-esteem to the point when they start doubting their own perception, intuition, and judgment. They become so insecure in themselves that they cannot make any decision and they become dependent on the gaslighter.
The gaslighter will withhold information on purpose and will also change the facts in order to make you feel disoriented. They may even start moving things around the house and act as if they were like that since always just to confuse and further destabilize you by playing with your mind.
Moreover, they won’t mention specific things and details so that they can later convince you that they had told you so that you start believing like you are losing your mind and memory. For instance, they will say something hurtful and aggressive to you and when you get upset at them, they will immediately calm down and deny that they have said such a thing to you. They will even accuse you of only focusing on the negative and that you are always looking to start a fight.
They will also make you feel jealous, insecure, and they will break the trust of the relationship so that you’ll always feel like they’re either cheating or will cheat. They do that by casually mentioning some person to you that you don’t know. Plus, they do it with a voice which reveals something more is going on. And when you accuse them of this, they will quickly jump to their defense saying that you are acting crazy and that you have serious trust issues.
The gaslighter will mock you, call you names, and deliberately put you down to gain the ultimate power over you and your feelings. Here are other red-flags that you have been, or you are being gaslighted by your partner.
You constantly apologize to your partner. Even if you didn’t do anything wrong. This happens because they make you feel as if you are the reason for everything that goes wrong in your relationship and therefore you feel a constant need to take responsibility for everything and apologize.
You can’t make decisions. Because you’ll always feel like no matter what choice you make, it will always be a wrong one. You’ll feel like you are no longer able to think rationally and make a smart decision about anything and therefore, you wait on your partner to decide for you.
You have changed. When you start thinking about the person you were before the relationship and the person you are when you are in a relationship, you’ll notice that you are were a completely different person back then.
You feel confused. You find it extremely hard to trust your own mind and sanity and you are in a constant state of confusion and bewilderment. You are always questioning whether there is something inherently wrong with you.
You become reclusive. You withdraw from the people who are close to you, your friends and family because you feel so drained, so hurt, and so low, that you don’t have the energy to be around anyone.
By making you feel completely powerless and helpless, the gaslighter will have the ultimate domination over you. You’ll be their puppet and they’ll use you to achieve their own selfish and twisted needs.
And when you give them everything they wanted from you, they will move on to their next victim.
The most important thing to remember is to always follow your intuition and look for the red flags of gaslighting. Your fight-or-flight reactions are for a reason. Your gut tries to tell you something. Listen to it. Your body and your soul and all your senses are preventing you for falling into the trap of the gaslighter. You must run. Run far away from them and never look back.